Having flown through Roy Keane's second autobiography, taking breaks only update our readers on the countless incredible quotes we found within, we at Balls.ie have been looking around for something to fill the void.
We had no problem with Keano's title "The Second Half", considering it was his second book, but in our search for the next great read courtesy of a former footballer, we have come across some of the worst titles ever to grace a bookshop shelf.
The titles of the following footballer's autobiographies range from the confusing to the downright cringey, but all of them are truly terrible.
Rio Ferdinand - #2Sides
We can see what Rio was trying to do here. For someone who is known for their activity on Twitter, Rio clearly thought it would be clever to implement the defining feature of the social media platform, the hashtag, into this title. Unfortunately, Mr.Ferdinand forgot that everybody absolutely despises the use of hashtags outside of twitter.
Harry Redknapp - A Man Walks Onto A Pitch
The cover even looks like a Christmas comedy special. 'Arry thought he would title his latest (there are a few) autobiography after the famous "A man walks into a bar..." joke, but this sounds like the start of a joke that nobody wants to hear the end to, and as a title for an autobiography it is just awful. "Thoughts From A Car Window" would have been more fitting.
Kevin Sheedy - So Good I Did It Twice
Ireland legend Kevin Sheedy titled his book in reference to a free-kick he scored in a 1985 FA Cup quarter-final against Ipswich, which the referee ordered him to re-take, only for Sheedy to score again. Unfortunately for Kevin, non-Everton fans won't have a vivid memory of that goal, and instead the book sounds like it could also be the autobiography of a porn star.
Terry Venables - Born To Manage
This is just a terrible title for a book. Forget the fact that Venables hasn't managed since 2003, "Born To Manage" isn't clever, it isn't funny, and it isn't even any sort of pun. Poor effort.
Lee McCulloch - Simp-Lee The Best
Ok, we just criticised Terry Venables for not even bothering to use a lazy pun, but sometimes lazy puns are not the best option. This pun is worthy of a face palm, and we're sure has even put off some of the Rangers fans who were considering reading the book.
Neil Ruddock - Hell Razor
Another awful pun here. Former Liverpool and West Ham enforcer (to put it kindly) Neil "Razor" Ruddock came up with this woeful title for a book that we're sure actually has some decent stories in it. Still, we'll never know, because we don't know anyone who thought "Hell Razor, that looks good".
Craig Bellamy - GoodFella
Craig Bellamy, hated by rival fans, not particularly liked by fans of the clubs he has played for (except for Cardiff maybe). Was he a member of the Mafia? No, he was not, so why he decided to title his book like he was John Gotti we will never know.
Frank Lampard - Totally Frank
Like, totally! This pun sounds more like the album title of a teen-pop sensation, rather than a decorated professional footballer. So many better Frank puns were available, yet Super Frankie Lampard settled on this.
Lorenzo Amoruso - LA Confidential
So... Bad... Former Rangers and Blackburn defender Lorenzo Amoruso picked a title that suits a 1950's Los Angeles crime thriller, not a footballer's book. The title is almost as bad as the cover. Shameful.
