Football Manager 2015 is so close we can taste it.
On November 7th the most addicting video game known to man will launch it's latest iteration, and we are chomping at the bit to get stuck into a long and fruitful virtual career.
Everybody plays the game on their own terms, but there are a number of common characteristics that define what type of Football Manager player you are, so here is our list of the eight most common virtual gaffers you are likely to find.
The Fairytale Dream-Chaser
A veteran of the Football Manager series, this gaffer's love affair with taking utterly tiny clubs to the summit of World football began with bringing Dagenham & Redbridge to the UEFA Cup Final back on Championship Manager 98/99. These guys simply refuse to play the game on "easy mode" by taking the helm at a big club, as if you don't have to go through at least three promotions, it's just not worth it.
The Big Time Charlie
Why would you waste your time wading through the sewage of the lower-leagues when you could be signing James Rodriguez for your oil-funded team of mercenaries that seem destined for Champions League glory? These players only want to take-over at the biggest clubs in Europe and spend their money frivolously on players they heard were great on the Football Manager forums and pass them off as their own "hidden gems".
The Pathetic Load/Save Manipulator
Deplorable. The second most hated type of Football Manager player, these guys play the game properly for the most part, but save their file before every match so that they can quit on a whim if things aren't going to plan and try again. What is the point in that?! You know who you are, and you know you're a fraud.
The "Money Cheat" Exploiter
The worst people on the face of the Earth, and easily the most hated type of Football Manager player, the "money cheat" exploiters are the lowest of the low. Typically taking over a stable mid-level club, but then making a second manager profile at PSG or Man City and buying a 17 year old youth-team-nobody for £100m in order to gain unlimited funds, these guys would be tolerable if they just wanted to spend frivolous millions on building a super-squad and be done with it, but they always pretend they did it the honest way and claim to be a managerial prodigy.
The Father Figure
This manager is the guy who forms life-long emotional bonds with the players who serve him well. The type of guy who follow the real Robert Aquafresca on twitter and take a genuine interest in his career because he scored 27 league goals for your West Ham side in Football Manager 09, the 'Father Figure' needs a reality check, but is harming no-one, so let him dream of one day sharing a pint with Tonton Zola Moukoko, despite how awkward that would no doubt be.
The Dictator
The polar opposite to the 'Father Figure' the Dictator sees his players as self-absorbed, money-hungry pawns in his pursuit of personal glory. Hopping from club to club when it suits him, demolishing the coaching staff and forcing his football philosophy on any new players he manages, who have no choice but to adapt or be transfer listed. Also the most likely to break his mouse or laptop screen when someone makes a mistake, the unpredictability of the Dictator makes him one to avoid if he's mid-session.
The Homegrown Hipster
Some people have been playing Football Manager since before it went mainstream. Some people are so gifted at virtual management that they feel the need to challenge themselves even further. The Homegrown Hipster's spiritual home is the San Mamés, as they have adopted a policy of only using home-grown players in their squads. Sure where's the challenge in scouting and buying players from anywhere? A REAL manager nurtures talent through the youth system.
The Noob
Bless him. This football enthusiast has been convinced by his mates that he needs to get involved in the "best game ever" so he gleefully hands over his cash and patiently waits for installation to finish, his grin widens as he chooses what type of player reputation his manager had (international footballer, always), but then... "What the hell is going on?" Completely out of his depth after jumping in at the deep-end, The Noob doesn't know where to begin. Commonly the butt of the joke amongst his mates with questions such as "How do I sign players?" and "What the hell is a trequartista?", it will be a few years before he can laugh at the next noob, but hang in there, as long as he doesn't use the 'money cheat' he'll be fine.
