Today brought the welcome but wholly unsurprising news that Irishmen are the sexiest on the planet.
The news has been reported gleefully by Irish news publications. In fact, it has been reported almost exclusively by Irish publications.
The Times of India was the only international publication honest and humble enough to give its readers the news. English newspapers, by contrast, appear too have been systematically suppressing it.
(UPDATE: To their credit the UK Independent have now informed their readers of the poll findings.)
Irishwomen, on the other hand, were ranked in 11th place (we're assuming. The list only went up to ten and they didn't appear on it).
Either way, it is now conclusively settled that Irish men are the sexiest in the world. We trust there will be no more polls commissioned into this subject. Even if there are, we will choose, for reasons of self-interest, to regard this one as authoritative.
We aim to show you here how the good women surveyed in MissTravel.com arrived at their decision. The more cynical among us wished to merely compile a list of topless sportsmen and leave it at that, but pre-empting the allegations of reverse sexism, we have pulled back from this course of action.
No, here are seven more worthy reasons that have been influential in Irishmen being voted the sexiest in the world.
And if you must look at topless Irishmen doing stuff, you can do so here. And here.
Being good at rugby
Over the past decade, Irishwomen have made it abundantly clear that being good at rugby makes a man approximately 74% sexier.
Ireland currently has a higher proportion of good rugby players than it did 20 years ago. Ergo, as a nation we have thus grown exponentially sexier as a result.
The stylishness of our centre-half forwards
Look at the poise, the elegance, the sheer beauty of this man kicking a ball out of his hands. No other nationality has produced a man with this kind of swing.
Mick Byrne's joie de vivre
There is no momentous event in Irish life that could not be made even sweeter by the sight of an overjoyed Mick Byrne celebrating it with the man who made it all happen.
It is believed by many historians that when the news seeped through that the British government wanted a truce, a youthful Mick Byrne was on hand to give Michael Collins a well deserved smacker on the cheek.
Roy Keane's sense of humour
No man can get a roomful of nervous football journalists breaking their holes laughing at the most tame of observations.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGmBDZi5NsE
Roy Keane's literary ability
Roy Keane is surely going to feature prominently in any compilation explaining why Irishmen are indeed the sexiest men in the world (I haven't said that enough, have I?).
Roy's prolific literary output proves that Irishmen are natural born writers and poets, as do the lesser but no less noble efforts of Joyce, Beckett, Heaney and Yeats.
We all recall the opening line of Roy's latest book.
Steve Staunton's stoicism and lack of worry about superficialities
Women are forever asserting that they don't want a man who will take longer getting ready than they will. Staunton's magnificent indifference to superficialities gave us the famous photo in New Jersey in June 1994. It has gone down, in most people's estimation and amid stiff competition, as the best thing about that day.
The exoticism of Kerry footballers
Maurice Fitzgerald, Mick O'Connell and the O'Sé's have a romantic and otherworldly vibe that is enchanting.
Every year, we see them. They travel 'up to Dublin', play some glorious football (2014 final excepted) win Sam, and then sometimes forget about it in the rush to get back to the farm.
Pure Kerry footballer behaviour.
