January transfer rumours are a special brand of ridiculousness, as typically with less time to flesh out the bullshit, media sources fling as much at the wall as they can in the 31 days of possible transfer activity.
Furthermore, with clubs in crisis in leagues around Europe, the fans will want to see some activity, which often results in some very creative stories that are nowhere near reality.
We've already seen a few that have us rolling our eyes here at Balls.ie, so here are five January transfer rumours that we are absolutely sure will not happen.
Neymar to Real Madrid.
The rumours have already begun that Real Madrid president Florentino Perez wants to shock the world of football by bringing the irresistible Neymar to the Santiago Bernabeu.
Does he want to do that? Absolutely. Will he be able to do that? Absolutely not.
The days of Real pulling Luis Figo style deals are gone, and Neymar would be insane to break up his almost unfair partnership with Luis Suarez and Lionel Messi to move to Real, where he would be playing for Rafa Benitez (unless he is replaced in the meantime) and have Crisitiano Ronaldo playing in his preferred position.
James Rodriguez to Manchester United.
Sigh.
This is another one that you will have already seen if you've been reading the transfer rumour pages, which you absolutely should not be doing, by the way, for your mental health as much as anything.
It seems that Thomas Muller's new contract at Bayern has finally poured cold water on that ridiculous story, so another one must take it's place. James Rodriguez is believed to be unhappy with the current setup at Madrid, which has sparked stories of Ed Woodward swooping in for the Colombian star. There is no chance that he would quit Real Madrid in January to play in the Europa League for United.
Javier Hernandez to the Premier League.
He's banging in the goals in Germany, and therefor that means he is once again good enough for the English tabloids to honor him with rumours of a return to the Greatest League In The World ™.
In reality, Chicharito would be absolutely insane to leave the first club that has used him as the focal point of the attack in over three years. The Mexican looks happy, and the Leverkusen fans are certainly happy with his performances. A non-runner.
Riyad Mahrez to anywhere.
Despite the player, the club, and the manager, all calmly explaining that the red-hot Algerian playmaker Riyad Mahrez will not be leaving the club in January, you can expect to read that he will be joining both Real Madrid and Barcelona, and don't be surprised to see PSG mentioned a lot too.
Mahrez will likely prove too difficult to hold on to in the summer, and most at Leicester expect that to be the case, but there is an agreement between all parties that he won't be leaving before then.
Wesley Sneijder to Manchester United
Yes, this is actually a real rumour.
We reported it last week by proclaiming our disbelief that this could again pop up as we near 2016, with the original rumour surfacing back in 2010, but here we are.
The supposed link is Jose Mourinho, who is expected by many to take over at Manchester United in the near future, and apparently he wants good old Wes to come along for the craic.
This isn't as much a transfer rumour as a pisstake. Don't bother.
