Colm Parkinson got his hands on an inter-county team's 'code of conduct' and read out the rather forbidding list of restrictions therein on Off the Ball last night.
No highlights in hair, no ankle socks worn outside county socks, and no boots that aren't predominantly black - this inter-county team's code of conduct was a recipe for success.
The only problem is this code of conduct would have seen many, many great players banned from down the years. In fact, if you include engaging with the media, that's pretty much everyone. Here is a brief rundown of some players who would not have long lasted under this regime.
The Twitter boys
Henry Shefflin
He'd have been been retiring a long time ago if this regime was in operation. Approximately, 80% of his tweets in the past year have been paying tribute to hurlers on their retirement. A sign of the times but also GAA-related tweets. Not acceptable. You're out.
Best luck to Davy on his http://t.co/ZIFbnZVbDw class keeper +some fun to be around pic.twitter.com/8qKqt72faO
— Henry Shefflin (@ShefflinHenry) November 24, 2014
James O'Donoghue
O'Donoghue tweets a lot. On anything and everything. And anything and everything is a category which includes the GAA. He wouldn't be able to survive under this regime.
'Well Joe Brolly, what dju make of THAT????' — James O'Donoghue (@Jamesod7) September 22, 2014
Bubbles O'Dwyer
Like James O'Donoghue, Bubbles O'Dwyer is fond of tweeting. This manager would ask him to cut it out. And while he's at he'd demand that he drop the 'bubbles' business. He would insist that everyone starts calling him 'John'. Including Marty Morrissey.
No matter where your from Henry Shefflin was an unbelievable hurler and leader for club and county he had a great career #Shefflin — bubbles o dwyer (@johnodwyer14) March 25, 2015
Colm Cooper
Hospital tweet = GAA tweet. This manager doesn't like hospital selfies as Parkinson indicated last night. Cooper cannot be exempt.
Delighted to say that the surgery on my knee fracture and ACL is now complete! Long road ahead! #painkillersplease pic.twitter.com/DRnjAUQFPh — colm cooper (@colmcooper13) February 22, 2014
Colm O'Neill
Once you recover, there'll be a suspension to get over.
And so the journey begins. #day1 pic.twitter.com/EAM5Rgbhqe — Colm O Neill (@crossbar13) April 10, 2013
Just not black enough
Gerry McInerney
Coming home from America in the autumn to play a couple of hurling matches in Croke Park would probably not be tolerated by most GAA managers these days.
And then there is the boots.
Michael Murphy
If this manager is determined to stick to his principles then he'd have to turf out Donegal's lavishly gifted forward. He's not your archetypal blue boot wearer but your eyes don't lie.
Diarmuid O'Sullivan
The Rock he may have been, but O'Sullivan was also a white boot wearing fancy dan.
Colin Corkery
Padriac Maher
Another player who you would reluctantly have to say goodbye to, Padraic Maher works off the reverse of the Henry Ford principle - you can have any colour you like so long as it isn't black.
Hair and a host of other reasons
Eoin Mulligan
His hair was unacceptable.
Ciaran McDonald
It's almost as if this code of conduct was drawn up by someone who had a particular animus against Ciaran McDonald
Ben Brosnan
Ben Brosnan has really thumbed his nose at these conventions
Declan O'Sullivan
Ankle socks were his own particular vice
Johnny Pilkington and almost the entire Offaly team of the 1990s
To be fair, even the most modern managerial regimes would have difficulty accepting these boys' lifestyle habits. Their loss.
