Premier League Crisis Table: Week 6.

Every week we overreact to the plight of teams populating the Premier League.

QPR are nailed to the bottom of the Premier League and they’re also hanging from the top of the Crisis Table. Mark Hughes’ QPR hot seat must feel like he’s sitting on sauna coals right now. They’ve only got two points from six games. If they suffer two more losses that means the QPR situation is primed for one man to come in and rescue them from the devastation of Premier League relegation. That’s right Harry ’2 points from 8 games’ Redknapp. It’s going to happen, you know it deep down.

Aston Villa’s shockingly bad start under overrated one-season wonder manager Paul Lambert continues and they stay second in the crisis table.

Swansea maintained their fall from grace with a 2-0 loss to Stoke. Michu’s goal drought continues and one has to wonder if he is merely this season’s less prolific version of Amir Zaki. They should be cut some slack though as everyone knows the Britannia is a Mordor-esque impenetrable fortress the likes of which the Premier League has never seen previously with the Dark Lord Pulis managing his orcs like Andy Wilkinson, the Uruk Hai-like Robert Huth and the uncontrollable physicality of the cave troll Ryan Shawcross.

Norwich, Southampton and Wigan all sustained losses again this weekend. The three of them combined still do not have as many points as Sam Allardyce’s unstoppable Europa League qualification juggernaut.

Reading and their Heston Blumenthal look-a-like manager remain winless after being unable to cook up a victory over Newcastle.

Liverpool finally end their three week stay on top of the Crisis table with a 5-2 win against Norwich at Carrow Road. Luis Suarez gabbed a hat-trick as he did in the same fixture last season. We all know that Liverpool new a new ground and that they need Luis Suarez to have prolific season to make success a reality. Would a move to Carrow Road be out of the question? Just throwing it out there.

Arsenal, the most rock solid defensively, defensive shambles of a side that the Premier League has ever seen lost 2-1 to Chelsea on Saturday afternoon. Two hilarious mistakes from Laurent Koscielny, who is the new Pascal Cygan cost the Gunners badly. It’s October with just 32 games left in the season and Chelsea already have an unassailable 7 point lead. Time for Arsenal to shift their priorities and concentrate on losing to Barcelona less embarrassingly in the Champions League quarter finals.

Man Utd edge up the table after a following a worrying, 23 years in the making, 3-2 defeat to ex-super-crisis-team Spurs. Their OAPs were outmuscled in midfield in the first half and couldn’t produce that late ‘it’s in the Man Utd DNA’ finish in the second half. Is ‘Fergie Time’ running out?

That’s three consecutive wins for Spurs and the pie-chart obsessed AVB. They completely dominated the first half but they spent the second half hanging on like someone in a nightclub who thought they’d pulled but then realised that they had consumed too much alcohol and things began to get a little bit ropey.

Newcastle gave Alan Pardew an 8 year contract last week in a desperate attempt to look like a stable club. Mike Ashley must’ve been scrambling for a vial of Tippex to turn that eight into a three after the dreadful 2-2 draw with winless Reading.

One man team Sunderland drop into crisis free section of the table for the first time this season. Steven Fletcher already looks like a bargain signing at £12m. Surely Liverpool will spend £30m on him in January though, they love overpaying for a striker from a north east club.

Is Roberto Di Matteo the greatest caretaker manager ever? He has already won the Champions League and now has Chelsea flying high on top of the Premier League. Things are going to be nicely set up for Pep Guardiola when he definitely takes over at the club next season.