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Premier League Crisis Table: Week 5.
Every week we overreact to the plight of the teams populating the Premier League.
This is the third consecutive week on top of the crisis table for Liverpool. That’s a Premier League Crisis Table record (though we did only start this five weeks ago), just wait until the tabloid headline writers get their hands on that stat. A 2-1 capitulation at the hands of Man Utd mean they are now five (count them, yes, five) Premier League games into the season without a win. Liverpool looked toothless against Man Utd which is strange for a team with Luis Suarez playing up front.
The once great Aston Villa sit second in the table after an absolute trouncing at the hands of recently promoted minnows Southampton. What a shambles Paul Lambert has turned the club into, this time last year they were riding high in eight place under tactical genius Alex Mcleish. There’s no way he would’ve conceded four against Southampton, although they probably wouldn’t have scored that one goal either. It could be a case of 21st season syndrome for Aston Villa.
Spurs had a lucky 2-1 win over QPR buying the under pressure Andre Villas-Boas some much needed breathing space. The real test is this weekend though as they travel to Old Trafford where AVB will surely revert to his crouching on the sideline ‘why is this happening to me, I made pie-charts’ style.
Two losses in a row mean Swansea bolt up the Crisis Table to fourth. The clubs owners must now regret signing a managerial unknown like Michael Laudrup. I mean, had anyone even heard of him before he came to The Barclays Premier League? Ok, so he played for Juventus, Real Madrid, Barcelona and Ajax and managed in Spain and Russia but surely none of that prepares someone for managing in the greatest league in the world. Their only option now is to cut their losses with him, get in Gary Megson and hope for the best.
QPR’s mish-mash of mercenaries lost to Spurs and their joke of a manager 2-1. They are still without a win this season so Mark Hughes must be wondering what he did to deserve this statue of himself in Longford Town. Also, given that Harry Redknapp is currently unemployed, is his status as Premier League wheeler-dealer extraordinaire in crisis? Surely Mark Hughes has taken over the mantle given his 213 (did not research this number) summer signings.
It was a winless weekend for Reading, Norwich and Wigan. They’ve only got one win and eight points between them. So only if the three of them aggregated their points could they hope to be as great as Sam Allardyce and his unstoppable West Ham mid-table-safety juggernaut.
Nigel Adkins is off the hot seat at Southampton and onto the mildly tepid chair of hopeful Premier League safety. This followed a 4-1 demolition of crisis club Aston Villa during which Rickie Lambert scored his 3rd and 4th goal of the season. Southampton must now be concerned about whether or not they can hold onto this season’s Grant Holt come the looming January transfer window. Only 95 days to go until the transfer window bursts open.
Man Utd might be second place in the Premier League table but they are now in the Vidiculous situation of being without Nemanja Vidic for eight weeks. Could their season be on the verge of falling apart without Vidic? Can Jonny Evans and Rio Ferdinand along with Michael ‘I can’t believe they’re still playing him at centre-back’ Carrick hold things together for Man Utd? Probably. Maybe. Their season is over already.
Man City rise up the table after a 1-1 draw with perennial crisis club/joke team/title contenders Arsenal. Their new signings already look like flops. Scott Sinclair looks like he has the potential to reach the heights of Sean Wright-Phillip’s career and Javi Garcia does not have the leg breaking ability of the man he replaced, Nigel De Jong. Tough times ahead for Man City, I fear for them.
Stoke move up to 12th after everyone suddenly realised that they hadn’t won a game this season. Is it time for Tony Pulis to change Stoke’s style of football? Tiki-taka with Andy Wilkinson, Glenn Whelan and Peter Crouch, it could work.
Everything is looking good at West Brom following a 1-0 win over Reading. West Brom’s prosperity however is at the cost of Liverpool who sacked Steve Clarke back in June. If only they had appointed him instead of Brendan ‘tiki-taka wannabe’ Rodgers then it could’ve been them sitting pretty in fourth place, because that’s how football works, right?
Everton stormed past Swansea on Saturday afternoon with a 3-0 win to once again become crisis free Champions League place contenders. If referees continue to ignore Marouane Fellaini’s basketball-style assists then who knows how far they can go this season.
Can anything stop this runaway Arsenal freight train right now? And it’s all built upon the defensive genius of Steve Bould.
Bould for England?